{scraps of things from the pocket of an old coat}

Monday, April 18, 2011

on finding Truth

i'm in the habit of consulting the cards, in times of ponderence {new word} -- i tend to draw anyway when the moon is full as well as dark -- always on the dark moon....it's my birth moon and when i'm at my deepest submersion.  anyhoo -- whatever your woo, sometimes you just want a bit of clarification, right? i rarely use my tarot deck anymore, finding more juice in either one of my meditation/oracle decks. but that's just back-story...

last night, one of the cards that came to me was concerning Truth -- and in this particular instance, i've come to learn that it concerned one of my own, rather than that of another.

without going into the long and convoluted story, it seems that a particular chapter of my life may be over. or at least on indefinite hold. and that's rather sad -- as it's not something i ever would have expected. i spent years living and breathing horses -- and to think that the desire to ride would ever be usurped would have been utterly laughable. but faced with a choice -- it seems my heart lies in other places now. oh, i will still reap the healing benefits of being around them...Savannah has taken up the reins now {egads, a frightful pun and i would have avoided it, really...} and perhaps that's part of my truth...that it's her turn now.

you see, given the choice of spending available income on riding or my current indulgences of books and art supplies - my heart has chosen art. perhaps it's because art enriches my life daily, whereas the riding would be once-weekly or so; perhaps it's because riding a quiet horse isn't the same as riding a racehorse -- and all those years of fast horses has spoiled me for the finer points of instruction, no matter how high the quality and deep the challenge. or perhaps it's more fiscal than that and, after having Saturn kick my ass around the universe all last year, my sense of financial responsibility has reached all new levels.

but what this has really done for me, is wake me up to the reality that it's time to get on with things; that the ideas i've had simmering under the surface are ready to emerge. or rather, i'm ready to commit to them. i've realized what i want and have the skeleton of a plan to get exactly that.

so i wasn't wrong -- that returning to my horsey roots was the missing piece of the puzzle. although certainly not in a way that i expected.

more importantly, i've been shown a way home and it's time to start walking.

6 comments:

David Allen Waters said...

sounds like clarity to me...and that is a very good place to find yourself ;)

mel said...

you know David, that's exactly what if feels like to me. which is really weird at the same time, seeing as how it's also a little bittersweet. still, it's very fresh-air-ish, i must say...

xo

sarah said...

I am full of words but can not seem to express them. Maybe what I'm wanting to say is that there is no real leaving behind or going forward, you are still riding fast horses in one layer of you, and now you are painting in another, and there is all the time in creation to do whatever you want. Which is perhaps too woo for this morning, so I'll just agree with David - sounds like clarity :-)

mel said...

oh sarah...this made me get all throat-lumpy...because i know you're right -- it's just an odd place to be in.

xo

Rose said...

Ah...

I guess at least now you know. Clarity indeed. Books and art supplies. I guess I made a similar choice. I started riding a few years back but eventually stopped due to money - I could find it if I wanted to... but.....

melissa said...

i can relate. thanks for blogging.