{scraps of things from the pocket of an old coat}

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

full circle

my hands still smell faintly of the small chestnut pony. i didn't try to wash them too much, just so that i can breathe deeply of that familiar scent for a while longer.

i was in a foul mood before we left for Savannah's lesson -- but an hour or so just being in the barn, and i come home happy and calm and clear of mind.

more and more it feels like riding again is the next step...the thing i need to do to propel everything else forward. which is really difficult to explain, it's just something i'm beginning to Know on a cellular level.

i gave up riding when i was pregnant with Savannah and it was a choice made with a full heart. i also knew, being as i am, that it was going to be for the long haul. my soul is woven from strands of a wild pony's tail, i knew i couldn't do either thing in half-measures - Motherhood, or life with horses.  and so i walked away.

a few trips up and down the Spiral and i feel like it's time to revisit all that...that perhaps it isn't a matter of half-measures; perhaps, like one's love for subsequent children, the heart expands.

i bought myself a pair of secondhand boots and will dig my helmet out of the trunk where it was stuffed all those years ago.  and next Monday, we'll see how things go.


Anonymous said...

the heart expands...deep andbeautifully written.

LovkynÄ› said...

horseback riding is one of those things that i've always wanted to try. sooner or later, i'll make a friend who has a horse i can ride.

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

This is a wonderful piece, Mel... personal, emotional... loved it.