my hands still smell faintly of the small chestnut pony. i didn't try to wash them too much, just so that i can breathe deeply of that familiar scent for a while longer.
i was in a foul mood before we left for Savannah's lesson -- but an hour or so just being in the barn, and i come home happy and calm and clear of mind.
more and more it feels like riding again is the next step...the thing i need to do to propel everything else forward. which is really difficult to explain, it's just something i'm beginning to Know on a cellular level.
i gave up riding when i was pregnant with Savannah and it was a choice made with a full heart. i also knew, being as i am, that it was going to be for the long haul. my soul is woven from strands of a wild pony's tail, i knew i couldn't do either thing in half-measures - Motherhood, or life with horses. and so i walked away.
a few trips up and down the Spiral and i feel like it's time to revisit all that...that perhaps it isn't a matter of half-measures; perhaps, like one's love for subsequent children, the heart expands.
i bought myself a pair of secondhand boots and will dig my helmet out of the trunk where it was stuffed all those years ago. and next Monday, we'll see how things go.